blushingflower

PSA - Femslash Friday on the Toast

Fri, 18 Oct 2013 16:10:16 GMT

Relevant to the interests of many of my fannish friends: The Toast just started a weekly series called Femslash Friday.

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My metamour is not "the other woman"

Sun, 04 Aug 2013 13:45:46 GMT

I was at work at the theatre yesterday, where many of my coworkers know that I am poly. But they don't really get it. Someone asked me, basically, if zammis1 was still around, in a way that implied that I might want her not to be.

And what they don't get is that she's not an inconvenience. She's not someone I tolerate because I have to if I want to be with kinksville. She's not a temporary situation, and I'm not just biding my time till he gets rid of her.

They don't understand that kinksville and zammis1 have been together as long as I've known either of them and that I can't (and don't want to) imagine a world where that's not true. They don't know that one of my favorite things to see is the smile on kinksville's face when he's looking at zammis1 and that rather than feeling jealousy when they are cute together, all I feel is a warm fuzzy happiness. I can't explain to them how peaceful and wonderful and right it feels when all three of us are curled up on a couch together. I try to make it clear that any future I plan with kinksville by default includes a place for zammis1, but they don't understand that to me, this is a good thing.

I think they assume that she must somehow take away from the relationship I have with kinksville in some way - time, energy, sexual interest, money, spoons, whatever. And of course a part of successful polyamory is negotiating the distribution of those resources. But what they don't get is that zammis1 is an asset in our relationship. She doesn't take anything away that I'm not perfectly happy to give her, and she adds so much love and happiness to our lives that it would be a bargain at twice the "price". (This is not even to mention all the practical things she does that I appreciate, because I don't want her to stick around just because she helps paint the house or plans trips or watches anime with kinksville so I don't have to. I appreciate and am grateful for the practical labor she does that benefits the polycule, but that's not the only thing that makes her a valuable part of our lives).

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Yesterday it was my birthday, I hung one more year on the line

Tue, 09 Jul 2013 20:05:55 GMT

(Okay, actually it was three days ago, but that's not the lyric).

Birthdays seem a good time to make life-update posts, so here we go.

( Work )

( kink )

( relationships )

( other stuff )

So, that's basically it. Life goes on, I work a lot, I spend a lot of time with my sweetheart, I probably don't get enough sleep, and my calendar is very colorful. But on balance, I'm pretty happy with life.

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I was going to title this with a Richard III reference, but that was too dreary

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 18:09:17 GMT

Focus is a thing that other people have, right?

I suppose focus isn't actually really my problem, so much as motivation. I am writing though in the hopes that I can get my act together and knock some more things off my to-do list at work.

So, here is a general update on my life:

A) some of my RL friends have made the trip over to Dreamwidth. Hi everyone!

B) I continue to work 3 jobs, though it's only been one the past couple of weeks. My trivia games were off for the holidays, and tonight's game is cancelled in favor of the BCS game, which is fine by me because I hate competing with football. But then I got another e-mail telling me that the bar wants to try out some other hosts to "see what's available". My boss was very nice about it, implying that it was a dick move, and that the company was only allowing it because it was a new account, but it is still frustrating. I am trying not to take it personally. I know I annoyed the general manager on the first night because I rolled my eyes or something when he didn't know where the prizes were (which we had to request several times). I got to hear from him about how he "didn't appreciate my reaction" which, whatever dude, I don't work for you, also, we asked you to get this handled an hour ago, I shouldn't have HAD to ask you again. Players seem to enjoy me, but I'm very much a "get in, do my job, get out" person when it comes to trivia. I'm not a bar person by nature, and I also have a long commute, so I'm not inclined to linger and hang out. I get there early, I set up, I order my food, and I run my game, then I tip my servers (and frequently bus my own table) and head home. My Thursday night players love me (though the manager there seemed ignorant of that fact, I think because I don't hang out after the game).
My day job continues to not be a perfect fit, but it is better than many other jobs I have had and at least allows me the freedom to browse the Internet at will. I don't think that project management is a good fit for me, long-term. I am much more interested in brainstorming and big pictures than I am in managing the day-to-day minutia of things. I dislike herding cats and having to nag people to get things from them. And I desperately miss being "on stage" and teaching people things. Unfortunately, tour guide gigs are not all that common, nor do they offer a lot of room for growth (which is the problem - they're great for the first 6 months to a year, but then when I can do the tour in my sleep I get bored). I really like working at the theatre - I'm good at it, it's easy, it's social, I get to solve problems and make people happy. Plus, free tickets! (I left because I don't want to be a box office associate my whole life, also because while the money was okay, the money I make now is better)
My father thinks I should be a writer, which is intensely flattering but which requires the focus and motivation that I mention lacking above. Deadlines are one of the things that focus me (which is why I like fic challenges), but it's hard to have externally-applied deadlines for things like writing a blog, unless/until you're actually writing for someone else.
C) I am "retiring" from BR this summer. I'll still be a member, still occasionally make it out to classes and munch and whatnot, and I'll be an EBM for life, basically, but I'm not running again (at least not for a while) and I'll be stepping down from TNG leadership. I am really looking forward to being able go to things and not have to be in charge. And also not being secretary anymore, which is a job I have because no one else wants it.
D) Things with kinksville are still going swimmingly. I <3 him and our polycule so much, it's so wonderful. I love seeing him be cute with zammis even after all their years together. I also really just enjoy his company. The temptation to call in sick today and spend the day at home with him was VERY strong; fortunately he helped me make the mature choice.
E) I alternate between just wanting to stay home and read and crochet and watch movies and feeling the itch to go SOMEWHERE. I also have these nesting desires that my current living situation won't really allow - I want to bake and pickle and brew and whatnot. It probably doesn't help that kinksville and I want to move in together but do not have a firm plan for when, and so I feel a bit unmoored in terms of housing (which has really been true for a while, the place I live now has always been intended as "temporary", for all that I've lived there for 2 years now). It is hiatus time for television and I am having a hard time lately finding anything I want to watch on Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Prime (often there are many quality films available, but all things that are either sad or require a lot of attention that I do not feel like devoting). I have finished ALL the Vorkosigan books and am now on other LMB books (currently in Book 3 of The Sharing Knife and feeling cranky that I have to read it in hard copy instead of on my Kindle, which I actually prefer). I think a lot of this is normal, it's January, the holidays are over, but it's still cold(ish) and there aren't really any big things to look forward to for a while (is it Camp yet?). The days are short, you're back at work, etc.
F) I have two projects that I am working on that were supposed to be Xmas gifts but are not done. And I also have a GORGEOUS set of new yarn that is supposed to be for a birthday gift (in May) but that I want to work with NOW. It is taking willpower to focus on the slow and steady work of finishing lots of rows in the same pattern instead of the fun part of something new taking shape (crochet is often very fast, but some things just take time, especially getting any kind of volume out of small stitches). I'd still rather be doing that than taking minutes.
G) Going home for Christmas was lovely. I fell back into the rhythm of being there very easily. I spent the 26th - 28th working from home, which mostly meant playing with spreadsheets and answering emails while I ripped music from my dad's CD collection to my laptop. The town my parents live in still always strikes me as a bit provincial and backwards when I go home, but my parents themselves are good company, and my father is a good cook. I got a tablet, some Doctor Who things (including a TARDIS/Dalek salt/pepper shaker set), a new purse, and some yarn. I also learned that apparently my aunt (my mother's youngest sister) harbors some anger towards me and another one of my cousins for leaving home and moving so far away. Which is her own drama (she lived with my grandparents and then next door to them for a long time, until they went into a nursing home, when she then took over the house, which she has since sold), but really, what was I supposed to do? And isn't being happy more important than being able to attend every family picnic? She's also one of those people who complain that they never see you but yet is unwilling to take any steps to remedy that, which is something I have very little patience with.

Okay, the to-do list beckons. Wish me luck.

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Shopping Outside the Big Box

Wed, 21 Nov 2012 04:49:14 GMT

A couple of my friends have asked for people to pitch their own goods - music, books, crafts, services, etc. I'm doing the same, but I'll open it up a bit. Tell me about the stuff you make, the stuff your Mom makes, the stuff your favorite little shop down the street sells. Who are your favorite artisans, small business and service providers? I'll compile a list to share with you all on the Monday after Thanksgiving, since you know I won't be waking up early on Black Friday. Feel free to promote your own goods and services, as well as those of friends/family or even strangers who just happen to do work you think is cool (in other words, feel free to link to your own etsy store or to the webpage of your favorite small batch soap maker or local yarn store or photographer or whatever).

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Mon, 29 Oct 2012 13:58:59 GMT

There's a storm rolling through and nothing in my Hulu Queue that I really feel like watching, so I'm having a Community marathon.

And then I remembered this video that I saw on Facebook, but haven't seen in my more fannish Internet hangouts, so I thought I'd share:

javascript:void(0);

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That was a great weeked, can I get an extra day, please?

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 00:35:47 GMT

Saturday was the BR TNG meetup at MDRF. We do this every year, and it's fun. I wore my Black Kraken Acquisition Services t-shirt and my thigh holster (I needed somewhere for my fan!) and had fun wandering around with

( Error: Irreparable invalid markup in entry. Raw contents behind the cut. )

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Best line so far

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 15:38:46 GMT

"He's no gentleman. He has my panties."

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50 Shades -3

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 14:09:37 GMT

( Read more... )

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50 shades - part 2

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 03:38:29 GMT

More thoughts, again behind a cut (look, I have a long commute, and I read fast).

( spoilers, i guess )

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Fri, 21 Sep 2012 01:47:23 GMT

Instead of live-tweeting and spoiling, here are my thoughts on 50 Shades of Gray (which, rest assured, I borrowed digitally from the DC Public Library)

( Cut for spoilers )

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Fetlife love and street harrassment

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 17:31:15 GMT

I checked my Fetlife this morning and had 11+ "@"s, meaning notifications that people had commented on our loved a picture or a writing. They were all "love"s on photos of mine from strangers. One of them had a friend in common with me. The others, I could not figure out what path led them to me. One loved a bunch of pictures of one of my friends after me. The only logical path I could see was the possibility that they may be attending BR XXV and had read my profile after my recent update and followed it to Fet. But that doesn't seem likely.

And, as I said on Twitter, this always leaves me feeling mildly creeped out. A little flattered, yes, but also unsettled. I think this is partly because it is antithetical to how I use Fet. My primary use of Fetlife is as a kinky Facebook - I keep track of my friends, share photos and status updates and event information I can't share on FB. I don't use it to make new friends (though I do find it a useful way to strengthen casual acquaintances into friendships) or find new play partners (though again, it can be a way to turn friends into play partners). In short, I use it as a tool to communicate with people I know. Yes, I occasionally participate in group discussions, but I mostly end up there because someone I know commented first. And yes, sometimes I end up following a rabbit hole down to reading some group or looking at someone's pics, again usually because something showed up on my feed. But when I do end up looking at someone else's pictures, it's rarely sexual for me (I can't say it's not voyeuristic, but it's the kind of voyeurism that leads to reading gossip columns). For a number of reasons about how I'm wired and the kinds of porn I prefer. And I would feel really, really weird commenting on or "love" ing a stranger's picture. I have one picture that's in my "loves" because I wanted to bookmark a photo, but usually if I love a photo, there's someone I know in it. Even if I really enjoyed a photo, I would probably not click the little heart, just because it feels to much like leaving a visible trace of your presence where you have no business being. None of the above is intended to say that my way is the right way to use Fetlife, it's just how I use it.

Moving on - I was thinking about why I find it creepy, and why some of it depends on the picture. I like when people "love" pictures of my shoes. I know that some of them are foot fetishists, and that some of them are probably using those pictures as masturbation fodder, and I'm okay with that. Some of them are also just people who love the shoes, or the photography, or the story that goes with the photo. I'm okay with that too. It's like if someone came up to me in the Metro and said "I love your shoes." But I'm much more skeeved out by the strangers who love pictures with my face in them (particularly ones where nothing else is happening). It's much more akin to a stranger coming up to you and saying "you're really pretty". Which sounds fine on the surface, but is actually something that would make many of the women I know uncomfortable.

And thinking about this made me think about how so many men defend street harassment as being "flattering" and how women should just enjoy the attention. I've never been one to hide face photos on Fetlife, I've never been one to lock down the majority of my DW/LJ posts or lock my Twitter. I do like attention, and I like being part of a conversation, and I like being open. But I don't like feeling violated by what probably had innocent intentions. I don't know you, why are you bookmarking photos of my face? (one of the pictures really is just my shoulders and face, it's a picture from the MDRF years ago, I'm in garb, but that's not really the focus of the shot, and my hair's a frizzy summer mess, so that's not likely to be the reason either)

As always, your thoughts are welcome.

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Wed, 22 Aug 2012 14:25:37 GMT

The entire run of The West Wing is available on Amazon Prime Instant, so I've been doing an epic rewatch. I've always shipped Josh/Donna, but in my rewatch I'm noticing all kinds of D/s undercurrents (also, lots and lots and lots of sexual harassment, frequently perpetrated by Josh. But this isn't a post about how Aaron Sorkin fetishizes women rather than respects them).

I mean, obviously it's a power exchange relationship, she's his assistant. But her tying and retying his bowtie goes a little beyond the normal boss/assistant paradigm, as far as I'm concerned. Basically, Josh/Donna is right up there with Peter/Neil for D/s undercurrents. The West Wing is still not as kinky as Farscape, but really, what is?

So those are my thoughts. Also, if anyone has recs for any good Josh/Donna, especially if it plays with the power dynamic, please let me know!

ETA: Also, Clark Gregg plays an FBI agent named Michael Casper. Where's the fic that incorporates this into Phil Coulson's backstory? Either he was there on SHIELD business under an alias, or he was recruited out of the Bureau and his name was changed for security reasons.

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I can haz Kink Bingo card

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 17:06:28 GMT

( NSFW Image below the cut )

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Wed, 20 Jun 2012 16:21:02 GMT

A year ago, I tweeted this: "He bought me dinner, gave me a massage, and we made out. That's a very good Monday, I think." The "he" in question was kinksville, and that lovely date was the official beginning of our relationship.

I am so happy and grateful to have him in my life. I don't want to make him blush by going on too much, but I will say that I don't think any man I have ever dated has been as good at loving me as he is, and I hope we can continue to be disgustingly cute together for many, many years to come.

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Thu, 14 Jun 2012 21:28:37 GMT

You know, I never would have thought that being made to wear an orange prison jumpsuit would require this much processing.

Somehow (and I forget how, I'm sure there's a record of it in Minnow email), it came up that kinksville wanted to put me in an orange prison jumpsuit at Camp. Other people jumped on board and soon we had a chain gang of three. Which was funny, but oh, god. Orange. Not my color. Prison. Not my kink. And I'm really not all that happy with myself for the way I reacted.

Due to timing, the only way it would work out was to have it occur on the same night as semi-formal dinner (the idea was that the chain gang would be taken to the dining hall).

I was not happy about this. Formal and semi-formal dinner are an opportunity to femme it up, to look cute, to wear entirely impractical shoes and your fetish-y best. And yeah, all of Camp is that, but it's usually too hot to be bothered with make-up that's going to run off your face in 5 minutes from sweat or jumping in the pool, and when you're staff you need practical footwear. Camp involves a lot of outfit changes and/or getting dressed/undressed/dressed again and therefore I don't generally bother with as many accessories as I might (also, I am lazy).

So, anyway. Here I was, being denied an opportunity to be girly and being made instead to wear something that was the exact opposite of sexy. So I was grumpy about that. And I was worried that other people would think it was inappropriate. (I don't know why, it's kinky sex camp, we've got grandpas running around in onesies and pony players who are never seen in anything but tack, but I think I thought that it would be like showing up in jeans to an evening wedding) In trying to analyze my feelings, I think I was also worried that people would assume I was being punished. That we all were. That this was a public shaming and that we had been bad and that's why we had to do this. And I have a lot invested in being a good girl. I think that's part of why I really wanted to wear cute shoes and pigtails and make-up. That made it more of a costume, more ridiculous, more of a silly spectacle. Also, those shoes helped me feel sexy.

The jumpsuit? Did not. I have gained a great deal of weight since Camp Crucible 2011, and I'm not happy with my body right now. And jumpsuits are not flattering. The fact that every time I bent over the snaps would pop open did not help. It was frustrating and made me feel decidedly unsexy. The chain around my waist didn't help, since that draws more visual attention to the area (the chain I wear normally made me feel very good, very owned and loved and protected, so it's a context thing). Also, super uncomfortable. Rough canvas, hot, hard to get out of (I needed help to get it off my shoulders, even though the legs were too long).

And then there's the fact that I'm not really a role-player. I'm not a LARPer. I can act, absolutely, and I've done improv training and all that. But it's not my go-to. It didn't occur to me until the Tuesday after Camp (so, a full week after the evening in question, and possibly a month after the initial idea was floated) that I could have made it a non-con situation (girl is set up to go to prison for the explicit purpose of being the sexual plaything of the guards) and that it could have been hot that way. Though I'm not really sure how I would have roleplayed that, it at least would have been a framing in my head. I mean, my "backstory" when people asked was that I was set up, but the second half of that wasn't there. The fact that we had to get ready quickly meant less time to get my head on straight, and less time for Sir to help me with that. I didn't fight him on it, it certainly wasn't worth a safeword or anything, but internally I was sulking a bit, I think. I didn't even have the presence of mind to be able to make the submission or the humiliation hot (which, you know, those are my kinks, but I was just too focused on being unhappy).

The fact that the other two were having way more fun with it than I was didn't help. When I have a dramatically different reaction to things than other people, it often intensifies it. I think sometimes it's that I feel left out (they're having fun. Why am I not having fun? Why aren't they commiserating with me about how awful this is?). And when they threatened to try to break out? Oh, I was REALLY unhappy about that. That is not good behavior. Also, I was still chained to them, which meant that I would have had to go with them, which I didn't want to do (especially not in those shoes!). I wanted to sit still and be good and keep my head down and get it over with ASAP.

And then there's the fact that I just don't find prison sexy. I don't really get why other people do, either (I understand it intellectually, so you don't need to explain, I just don't get it). I have a hard time even being attracted to villainous characters (except occasionally in a "tie me to the bed and do bad things to me until the hero rescues me" kind of way). I don't like bad guys. I'm not attracted to bad boys (rebels with a cause, sure. Misunderstood emo boys who just need someone to hold them? okay.) and I never have been. I don't like troublemakers or brats or any of that. I like order and obedience and Rules. Also (and I am not proud of this fact): prison just seems so blue collar. I know there are plenty of white collar criminals, but what orange jumpsuits put me in mind of are gang members or drug dealers or other street criminals. Even Neal Caffrey loses some of his appeal when you take him out of perfectly tailored suits and put him in lurid orange. And, politically speaking, I think we overcrowd our prisons and incarcerate people who shouldn't be and we don't ever give those people a chance to learn to be productive non-criminal members of society, but that doesn't change what I'm attracted to.

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Writer v. Plot

Mon, 14 May 2012 17:22:09 GMT

So, I got this idea for a Community fic (which, btw, will eventually need a beta, pref. someone who is up on the canon) and I am trying to write it. And I can come up with the character development, but the essential conflict that needs to drive the story is eluding me. (Though I just had an idea...)
I am good at dialogue and world-building, I am bad at actual plot. It is hard to write stories where anything happens other than sex!

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Two discussion topics for you:

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 13:11:11 GMT

1) Is there something about online dating in general that tends to attract more STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) men, or is it me? I get a lot of messages from dudes who are computer scientists or mathematicians. Which is a shame, because I really do find that I have better communication with guys with a liberal arts or fine arts background/interest (even if they end up working in computer security or programming or whatever, I find that if they also minored in history or something, it works better).

2) What does "kinky" mean to you?
I recently received an email (at BR) from a guy who found me on OKC and said that he wasn't into the "nipple clamp" kind of kink, but rather the "blow job in a restaurant parking lot from an apparently 'good girl'" kind of kink (I'm paraphrasing) Which to me, isn't all that kinky. I mean, yeah, there's a slight public sex element there, so I guess I can see how it could certainly be non-vanilla, though it still seems pretty mainstream. I think some of it depends on why it's hot to you: is it the fact that you could get caught, is it the fact that it's "naughty", is it that she's blowing you in a car even though she's really worried she'll get caught?

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Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:44:49 GMT

Guys, I am tired and my computer bluescreened last night and doesn't want to boot up at all and I am very valiently resisting both crying and taking a benzo. But I need your help! Give me things to distract me! Where is the good Community fic? What about Farscape (pref. early since I'm still working my way through)?

Also, as an addendum: while I was writing this post I took a break to check something off my personal to-do list and being productive made me feel so good. Yay.

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This is how fandom fucks with your head

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 03:10:52 GMT

So, I decided that I would take up my quest to read the 101 books on the College Board's list again (I got stuck in Moby Dick and then when I tried to move on to Jane Eyre I got as far as the part where she leaves, realized that this is essentially the annoying estrangement part that I hate in RomComs too which stalled me, and have generally been using my Kindle to read fic because I haven't been in the mood for anything "heavy".) So, because I wanted something that might be slightly easier to get through, I am reading Gulliver's Travels. I only started it Monday and I mostly only read on the train ride home (on the train ride in, I read the paper), but that's still a good hour long commute. Anyway, the narrator is in Lilliput, and the (spoiler alert) king's house catches fire and to put it out, he (Gulliver) pees on it. Which is like the second or third time that "making water" has been mentioned. And all I could think of was how that made the book a prime candidate for the watersports square in kink_bingo. (Seriously, a giant peeing on you, how is that not just waiting for kinky fic?)

Also, I have been watching Farscape with kinksville (we are in the third season, please do not tell me things because this is my first viewing) and omg it is the kinkiest show on TV. If were the kind of person who were good at things like icons I could totally do a black out for KB just using Farscape.

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A Pervert's Compendium of Verses

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 14:12:26 GMT

So, because I am a crazy person, I decided to take on kink_bingo's December mini-challenge, which is tiny fics. Now, I could have just done a single line from my card. But no, I had to try to do a black out. And, because I am an extra-super-special kind of masochist, I decided to fill all my squares with poems.

Row 1:
( tentacles ),

( washing/cleaning )

( sex toys (worn under clothing) )

( exposure ),

( whipping/flogging )

Row 2:
( sex toys (non-penetrating) ),

( begging ),

( humiliation (verbal) ),

( crossdressing )

( breathplay )

Row 3:
( domestic/tradesman kink )

( exhibitionism ),

( FREE ),

( phonesex/epistolary, )

( mirrors and doubles )

Row 4:
( leather/latex/rubber )

( teasing )

( watersports )

( genital torture )

( spanking/paddling )

Row 5:
( obedience )

( silence" )

( bites/bruises ),

( ageplay )

( danger )

( Bonus: Sonnet On Obedience, which at 108 words was 8 words over the limit for the challenge. )

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Fri, 16 Dec 2011 11:54:53 GMT

I had an epic dream last night/early this morning that involved eredien, thatliardiego, Buffy Summers, the children from Peter Pan, the Wicked Witch of the West, magic and being able to see into alternate dimensions.
At one point, I was chased into the house by a bad guy, managed to close (but not properly bolt) the door between me and him and keep him out simply by holding the door closed with my hands (despite his superior strength) and taking a deep breath. I was able to set up wards on the house that were so strong that the people who belonged there were able to go in and out as they pleased (we even had a barbecue out back) while anyone who wished us harm was stopped.
And then my alarm went off.

It was the kind of dream where you try to roll over and get right back where you were because it was such a good story.

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General Life Update

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 21:31:36 GMT

Since there are many things in my life that are going on and I realize I have not written about them much, being rather busy living life instead of documenting it (which is a shame, since I have many thoughts that come to me quite eloquently when I am not at a keyboard, and when I am I am mostly working or busy catching up on other people's lives).\

Anyway, here we go.

Work: I have a new job! Two new jobs, actually. I started yesterday a for reals career-type job. I have no idea what I'm doing, and earlier this morning was hit with a touch of imposter syndrome. I'm supposed to fill out an employee profile and a resume for internal use, and I don't wanna, because it's not going to impress anyone. I mean, yeah, I'm coming in at an entry-level position, and it's not like my boss didn't see my resume or interview me before hiring me (though I'm sure museclio's recommendation was a major factor, but I still feel like they're going to figure out that all I'm good for is giving tours.
Of course, then they ask me to do something that I totes know how to do because of past employment or my BR work and I realize that I'll be fine.
On top of that, I'll still be working part-time at STC and I'm hosting trivia two nights a week. The trivia thing is fun, but the hours kind of suck: I'm doing Tuesdays and Thursdays, which should be BR nights. I can make a pit stop at munch before my 9 PM on Tuesdays, but then I get out crazy late (museclio said I can crash on her couch afterwards, though if anyone else is in the College Park area and wants me on their couch, let me know). Thursdays are earlier, but I can't do them on the second Thursday since that's when Board meetings are.
Because I need to have three jobs, a Board seat and a boyfriend.

Relationships: I have a boyfriend! His name is kinksville and he is fantabulous. We're at just about 6 months from our first official date, so there is lots of NRE still, but I <3 him a lot. He makes me feel very understood and very well cared for, and it is nice. Also, his GF, zammis, is an excellent metamour. I am very lucky.

Living Situation: I spend a lot of time at kinksville's, which is lovely, but means that the laundry piles up. He is a very nice boyfriend and lets me bring laundry to his place, and has also helped me make some progress on my room, though it's a difficult prospect because I have so much stuff crammed into such a small space and I've managed to block access to all the potential storage space. My landlord continues to be a pretty amazing dude (he gave everyone a discount on rent for December) and it's a pretty chill place to live, but I am looking very much forward to the possilibity of an apartment of my own. I am hoping for a move-in sometime in June, which would put me back in my own place before my 30th birthday. I am currently thinking College Park, because a) I might actually be able to afford something there b) it would make trivia easier c) it's easy access to museclio and justsarahnoel and no worse for kinksville d) lots of what I like about city life is also an option in College Park. It would also be an easy commute to the theatre and to the gym where I go swimming (and the Target where my meds are). But we will see. I want to try to put away some of my paycheck towards a deposit and first month's rent.

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Mon, 14 Nov 2011 04:59:27 GMT

It makes me so sad and angry that so many of the people I care about have had such shitty models for love in their lives.
Every child should grow up knowing that they are loved, that they are wanted, that they are precious, that there is absolutely nothing they could ever possibly be or do that would make their parents stop loving them (stop liking them, sure; disapprove of their choices, sure, but stop loving them? never).
My inner dog really does Not Approve of people hurting my friends, now, or in the past. It is Not Okay. Actually, really, my inner dog does not approve of people hurting each other, At All, emotionally or physically (except in the consensual sexy way). The problem is that my inner dog is a very well-socialized and obedient dog, so while she may be loyal and protective and distrustful of strangers in her space, she won't bite them, even though she really, really, really wants to sometimes. Maybe bark, a little.
My inner Buddhist says that the people who did the hurting have their own pain, and that I should be compassionate towards them, and to respond not by wanting to hurt those people, but with love and kindness and being the change I wish to see.
My friend K, a devout Catholic her whole life, told me once that I was the person who made her believe in the unconditional love of God. A part of her didn't believe her parents when they said they loved her, which meant she couldn't use that as the analogy of paternal love the Church uses. I try to focus on that, to try to teach people that love is real and that it is beautiful and that it is safe; to focus on the present and the future that I can change instead of the past that I can't.

These are the posts you get when it's the middle of the night, I've had two glasses of wine, and spent the past hour catching up on LJ.

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Wed, 09 Nov 2011 19:44:26 GMT

So, theleaveswant is recruiting people to talk about kink/sexuality at the Popular Culture Association conference in April in Boston. Deadline for submissions is Dec 15, and there's no requirement that you actually be an academic. I thought some of you might be interested. I'm interested, though I have no idea what I would talk about. Ideas?

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